Let my heart be broken by the things that break the heart of God.

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God does not raise hopes only to disappoint them

Journal Excerpt Wed 6/10/09 1:13 am
I wish I didn’t feel bad either. [I felt others picked up on my bad feelings.] I know I need to praise God and all that but I just don’t have the faith for it right now. That’s why I say it’s time for God to show up in a very real way. I know He likes to be all mysterious and He wants us to figure everything out and believe without any proof whatsoever but what kind of deal is that? If you really love someone why are you trying to make things difficult for them? If you want people to reach the destination why not guide them clearly to it? Why concoct a puzzling maze and give confusing directions?

Journal Excerpt Fri 6/12/09
Well I have a story I must share. Last night the service was over and I was helping Ms. D clean up. She wanted me to help her take some things into the sanctuary for the service tonight. Her back was hurting and in the sanctuary there were 2 teens sitting in the back near where we entered. D asked if they’d help us. The boy was hesitant but the girl immediately said yes. She had a great spirit. D asked them to take the things to the stage and said she’d give them some pizza. Well the girl got so happy! The boy was happy too but the girl started telling how she was so hungry and had already asked for pizza and been denied. She was fantasizing about food because she was so hungry. We all agreed that this was a divine setup. I don’t remember everything she said but she was telling the story and it was clear God had worked out all the details to bring her her heart’s desire.

She was still joyful and chattering about it when we went back to the snack room to get the pizza. I was the one distributing the pizza earlier so I knew where it was. We’d had a lot of pizza but it seems that some guy got the last of the pizza that was out as we were walking up. The teens were disappointed and said “That guy got the last of the pizza.” I said no way – that’s not the kind of God I serve. He didn’t bring you this far just to disappoint you. They were accepting fate but I was determined. I went inside and was looking around but found nothing. That girl had already rejoiced in her blessing – surely God wasn’t going to do that to her. I really wanted them to have their pizza. I was going to find some somewhere. I even was ready to give them money to get pizza. But then here came Ms. D with 2 pizzas and gave them a whole pizza. I was as happy as they were. I said I knew you were going to get your pizza – that’s the kind of God we serve. There’s no way He was going to disappoint them like that. The girl was too happy. We were all praising God for the blessing.

That’s a good lesson for me right now too. If I, as someone who didn’t even know them, felt that strongly that I didn’t want to see them disappointed, how much more is God on our side? There’s something about someone delighting in the Lord; that’s someone you don’t want disappointed. I’m getting a deeper take on delight in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart. When you’re delighting and bragging on God’s goodness and so happy to be His, He wants to shower you with blessings.

When I was going through my issues this week I told God that I was no longer going to worry about His reputation. Let Him defend His own name. But I did not want those teens to think of God as the One who raises hopes only to disappoint them. We are God’s hands and feet. He uses us to bless others. But I didn’t have to defend Him; He had the pizza for them. In the same way I’m sure God has good things planned for me. I’ve already rejoiced about some things. I sang songs and shouted and danced and then it looked like disappointment again. But God is not going to let me go out like that. Just like I told those kids – that’s not the kind of God He is.

I’m thinking about how the disappointments can make the blessings seem even sweeter. After those setbacks and disappointments the kids were even happier when that pizza was actually placed in their hands. They wouldn’t have had the same joy and appreciation if someone had just handed them pizza in the beginning. No, they were denied, then had time to deal with their hunger, then received a promise, encountered a disappointment then finally the blessing. Sweet! Now that pizza wasn’t just a pizza but a prize.

God teaches us how to appreciate blessings. He knows we don’t appreciate things that come too easily. And He knows that we have to be taught to trust Him. I’m learning that no matter what happens in the middle, in the end I’m going to receive whatever God promised. I’ve been learning that setbacks and disappointments are just part of the process.

Why Isn't My Ministry Being Blessed?

From the Journal of Anointed Messenger on Thur 5/29/08 4:39 pm

I started thinking about all the people who had people just come to them to provide what was needed so their ministries would flourish. [A man] volunteered to do [my friend’s] website. People just appearing and often donating their services to the ministry. I wondered why I don’t have that experience. I seek people out [and pay them] and it still doesn’t work. I pray for help to come and it doesn’t.

So in devotion I was asking God about it. I seriously needed to know. Where am I missing God? Perhaps what I thought were God ideas were my ideas. Maybe I’m not ‘good enough’ yet. What should I do? I was desperately seeking guidance so I pulled a message from the large bin of Anointed Messages that I started (and haven’t finished cutting). Three came out. The first said

Blessed are those who are not offended.
© 2007 Anointed Messages™

My first thought was so I’m not blessed because I’m offended? Who do I have ought against? I thought I let it all go. Then the Truth came to me; the same truth that inspired the message. That’s what Jesus said to John the Baptist when he was having similar questions. I thought about John the Baptist. He served God and his heart was right yet he was beheaded. Nobody showed up to release him from prison like in Peter’s case. Yet it wasn’t because he was bad; that was just God’s plan. I got so much peace after meditating on that. The other two messages were

Nobody understands you better than your Creator.
© 2007 Anointed Messages™

You are still here because God has a reason for you to still be here.
© 2007 Anointed Messages™

All three of those messages blessed me. They did several things for me. They comforted me that the problem isn’t that I’m unworthy or out of God’s will. They encouraged me that God understands me and has me right where I need to be. And they motivated me. Because I was blessed by them I really want to get the messages out there so other people can be blessed. I want others to receive a word in due season just like I did.

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NOTE: I designed my website myself and I'm very happy with it. God didn't send help in the form of others, He gave me ability and I wouldn't have realized it if I'd received help from others.

Can you persevere past your pain?

Anointed Messenger Journal Entry

Sat 8/9/08

On TV I saw some of those animal attack/incident shows and God used them to speak to me. One thing is there were several stories of people having awful encounters with animals. They got attacked while fishing and mauled by dogs and all kinds of horrible things. But they all kept on doing what they had been doing. One boy was stabbed in the throat by a Black Marlin and it tore up his throat and he almost died but he still fishes today and just shares it as a story. Now he says fishing is a “contact sport.” I admire his tenacity. A woman was stung by 500 bees and she endured horrible pain and almost died too but today she still uses honey bees on her farm. It’s part of the family’s tradition/business and she didn’t let her painful near death experience ruin that. I heard all these stories and thought ‘Wow they’re crazy’ and ‘Wow what gumption.’ I do admire that kind of perseverance. God was showing me people who overcame adversity and never gave up.

God also showed me something really deep about perseverance and forgiveness. There was a puppy that had gotten trapped in the ice. A rescue team went through all this trouble to save the puppy. They couldn’t reach it so they inflated a raft and went out to it risking their own lives. A man finally got to the puppy and reached down to pick up the struggling puppy when it suddenly and unexpectedly bit him in the face. Startled and hurt the man fell backwards in the raft. I was angered when I saw it. The nerve of that dog! They went through all this trouble to save him and he attacks his rescuer? Part of me thought “That’s what you get little dog; you signed your own death warrant.”

The man was bleeding everywhere and needed medical care. The puppy bit him pretty hard right in the face and he needed stitches. I assumed the focus would shift to rescuing the man; but this determined man was an animal lover. He didn’t give up on the dog and eventually did rescue him. He said he knew that the dog was upset and disoriented. The man said that once he wrapped the puppy in a warm blanket he was the sweetest puppy in the world. The man almost lost an eye and did get stitches but he saved that dog’s life.

I was really convicted. I said Lord I know I’m not there yet. I would have let that dog die. I would have abandoned that dog to tend to my own injuries and been angry at the dog on top of it. I said Lord help me get to that point where I can have that type of forgiveness. I immediately thought of [someone I know]. I’ve been praying for her but I haven’t made contact with her yet. I know that she will probably “bite me in the face” and I don’t want to deal with that. Like that dog she’s hurting and confused and lashes out at people, even those who are trying to save her. Last time I reached out to her she lashed out at me and I abandoned her to tend to my own injuries. I thought I’m going through my own trials, I don’t need her attacking me when I am trying to help.

I felt justified and surely no one would have judged that man for leaving the dog to tend to his injuries. He’d made a valiant effort and it was rejected. But that man persevered and saw beyond his own need and pain to help another. If this man could do this to save a dog, not even a peer; how much more should a Christian be expected to do? Watching the program I got revelation. I need to persevere past the point when you are bitten in the face. That attack was shocking and unexpected, but it came from duress. The man stuck with the dog and once it was wrapped in the blanket it was “the sweetest dog in the world.”

Lord help me get to that point where people are wrapped in Your loving arms; when they are under Your covering. Help me get past my own pain and wounds so I can save the lost. I believe You have called me to heal the brokenhearted and I want to answer the call. Show me how to do this and help me persevere, undaunted by failures, and tragedies. Help me get through the whole process with those who are hurting.

I thought about Jesus and all the wounds He suffered for saving us. The Christian life is about sacrifice and looking past yourself to help another.

If we are distressed, it is for your comfort and salvation; if we are comforted, it is for your comfort, which produces in you patient endurance of the same sufferings we suffer. And our hope for you is firm, because we know that just as you share in our sufferings, so also you share in our comfort.

2 Corinthians 1:6-7 NIV